The Day We Planned Our Funerals Over Lunch
Chapter 1
Jaleesa: So, how was your weekend?
Melissa: I almost died twice.
Jaleesa: I'm glad you didn't. That would have been sad.
Melissa: I am too. I don't want to die yet.
Jaleesa: But I would have tap-danced at your funeral!
Melissa: Really? You can do that anyway when I do. Can I request a song?
*Breaks into off-key song* You fill up my senses - like a fizzy blue ocean!
Jaleessa: (to Dwayne) When I die I'd like you to find a huge bouquet of black carnations and lay them on my casket and cry like this (Jaleesa makes a weeping noise somewhat like a wolf howling at the moon and somewhat like an opera singer)
Melissa: I'd like you to leave a rose with a black ribbon around it lying on my grave, like the phantom of the opera did. It's absolutely so dramatic.
Dwayne looks non-committal.
Jaleesa: Mel, I'd like you to bring one of those Cracker Barrel sunflowers that sings, and play it as you stand in line to see me.
Mel sings "You are my sunshine" again, off-key.
Melissa: May I also bring confetti or glitter and scatter it over your casket?
(The conversation at this point becomes filled with gestures of tossing imaginary confetti on the part of both Jaleesa & Mel)
Jaleesa: Mazel tov to the dead lady. And I do insist on tap-dancing at your funeral too, Dwayne. (to Mel) You can sing if you like, while I dance.
Melissa: Oh I have the perfect song! "Danke schoen, Dahling, danke schoen! Thank you for all the joy and pain"
(Loud laughter all-round. Ok, that was one of the ficticious parts. Actually I think it was more of a collective groan)
Dwayne: (in tones laced with sarcasm) Yeah, I like that. Thank you, Dwayne... for dying.
(Non-ficticious laughter)
Mel: Wow. That was a good time.
Jaleesa: Too bad all that is totally inappropriate, so we'll never do it. -- Wait. Totally inappropriate. That sounds just like us.
Mel: Speak for yourself. At least we can include it in our ficticious memiors.
Jaleesa: We've really got to start working on that.
9 comments:
*Memo to self: Leave note banning Jaleesa, Dwayne, and Melissa from attending my funeral.
P.S. Be specific about songs to be sung...
There is but one rule.
Dwayne gets to die first.
Okay it may be inappropriate but only because its socially unacceptable. I would really like to see some celebratory things going on at funerals, they're so depressing. Trust me, I know.
Funny post. I laugh.
It is so good to laugh.
We already agreed that I, not Dwayne, gets to die first.
There was a contract.
Deal with it.
It's binding.
I'll linger on and be a burden to those around me. I'll forget everything but my college days and call everyone Jakedra and Sam and Dwayne. They will go crazy. And I will play a tape of Jaleesa tap-dancing at my funeral.
i feel like Jakedra is my other alter-ego...
yikes!
I can't remember what I was supposed to do at Jalessa's funeral... she told me but I forget.
And what should I do at your funeral? No, weeping openly in public isn't really my thing.
I think I'd like you to walk in with a handgun and wave it around asking "Alright! Who killed her?" (I'd sort of like to have my death avenged)
At Jaleesa's weren't you to tie a string to her wrist and wave at everyone who viewed her?
Why does melissa get to have someone avenge her death? And i personally thing that weeping openly at our funeral is a FANTASTIC option. lol
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