The Tale of the Relatively Grim Adventures of Seven Not-so Nautical Friends

There was a group of friends who one day decided to go out for a boating excursion. They were seven with two small boats. The rowboat had four in it, and a carefree and innocent lot they were.

They were Chris of the bow, Sam of the stern, and Missie & Cheryl at the oars. The group rowed far out into the lake with no thought to what might come.

In the other boat there were the three remaining friends. This lot of friends were not so innocent and carefree. Note their grim visages.

These three also went far out on the lake. The three closely observed their friends in the other boat, and coveted it's speed.

Said the first, named Red-Handed Mel, "Why not catch up with them while they are floating unawares and take it for ourselves."

Said the second, Grim-Visaged Tyler, "What a dark plan. I like it. But how shall we overtake them with our vessel being the slower?

Said the third, Leanna of the Golden Heart, "If I were to sit on the bow, the vessel's speed would increase. However, I hardly think it worth it. Let us be content with our own vessel, and go far from here to remove temptation from our way."

Eloquently argued Golden-Hearted Leanna for a peaceful resolution, for she hated all violence, but Grim-Visaged Tyler and Red-Handed Mel were not to be deterred. So the evil plan was put into action. Hard the two labored to overtake the rowboat. The unsuspecting friends did not even think of escape, but rowed (rowed, rowed) their boat gently about the lake.

And at last, the rowboat was overtaken. A horrific battle between the seven insued.

Red Handed Mel lunged onto the boat and announced their intention of having the boat for themselves. One of the friends attempted to fling her into the lake, but Grim-Visaged Tyler distracted him by dropping the anchor.

Had it not been that the four were heart-broken at their former friends evil intentions, the boat may not have been taken so easily. But in the end, of course, the two prevailed.

The Two left Leanna of the Golden Heart, Chris of the Bow, Sam of the Stern and Cheryl of the Oar to float on the weaker vessel in the middle of the lake. Red-Handed Mel and Grim Visaged Tyler saw that Missie of the Other Oar would be useful as a galley slave and therefore they allowed her to stay. A very impudent slave she turned out to be, often threatened with the brig or the plank or the cat o' nine.

And that is the tale of how two friends through their coveteousness converted to piracy and turned on those who were dear to them. May God have mercy on their souls.

Frankenstein meets Miss Havisham

I read a series of books not to long ago by Jasper Fforde. He wrote novels that are... fantasy? mystery? humorous contemporary? Best-selling anyway, because they're just wonderfully creative. In his series there is a place that is the ultimate library where every book ever written exists and is alive. At one point there is a bit of a problem when the library is re-organized and the feminist literature is placed next to the medeaval literature, or something like that, and all the characters start fighting. At another point a minotaur (bull's head; man's body... it's from Greek mythology I think) escapes his confines and hides away in a Zane Grey novel, were he can remain quite inconspicuous on some nice cow trail.

I never pictured this exact thing happening in a library, but I have noticed that it annoys me when a book I like has to sit next to a book I dislike. Now I have a reason for this unfounded annoyance. The characters might not get along.

For example, in GBS library, Frankenstein was sitting between a 'Heart & Song Romance' and some sort of Civil War Romance novel. I'm pretty sure when the lights go out in the library some civil war nurse gets the scare of her life when she sees Frankenstein sliding from the pages. Well, maybe some two-dimensional character from the other book sees him as misunderstood and decides to get to know him, which is what he's always longed for.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow was sitting very near the Jan Karon novels. I'm pretty sure that when Ichabod Krane ran away and was never heard from againg, he headed for Mitford. That town would be just his speed, and the headless horseman would prefer Sleepy Hollow.

Some books the characters and monsters slide very easily from between the pages. Especially if it has a long legs. A spider. It's easy to picture spider legs coming from between pages. I can see the spider from Tolkein's The Hobbit crawling out the top of the book little by little, then down the spine of the book as it continues to grow larger until it towers over the bookshelves.

Captain Hook would come out with panache, simply ripping the binding with his hook and elegently stepping out as if he'd just stepped off the gangplank, with Smee bumbling behind him. All the gunslingers would jump out of the Louis L'amour books causing chaos, which is just enough diverson for the spies from world war II novels to sneak covertly form between their pages looking over their shoulders.

It's not a terribly original idea, but it is fun to look at a bookshelf and imagine the chaos that would follow if the characters from each book came out and associated with one another. On my own bookshelf in my dorm room, The Lotus and the Cross sits next to a western, which sits next to a Great Expectations, which is by a P.G.Wodehouse, which is by Cheaper by the Dozen. I can't even imagine some of these characters associating. Can you see Pip and Bhudda? Or a Louis L'amour character and Bertie Wooster? And from this sort of fodder, Jasper Fforde created a couple of hysterically funny novels. It's so odd how I can even associate with these characters... How could one person associate with Bertie and Bhudda? Talk about diversity... it's amazing what diverse characters move into our brains.